Dead Memories

This past weekend I went to visit my mom and had the chance to see my aunt, uncle, cousins, and first cousins once-removed (learned the difference between these kinds of cousins and the second cousins), cousin's girlfriend and cousin's husband (no, not the same cousin-haha, a little sick humor there. anyway...)

Recently, my great-aunt died, so most of us drove over to her house to see if there was anything we would like to have before the estate sale.

I myself got two pieces of furniture, a book (love it!), a French perfume bottle, and a bowl with lid.

I have been in houses of the dead before. We had a family call our church after the estate sale to give us whatever we wanted for our church yard sale. I went along to help pack up the merchandise. Not a problem.

This, however, felt weird. I felt guilty, no, that's not the right word. Maybe it just saddened me that this was what remained of a woman's life, 90 plus years. I had a thought from a scene in A Christmas Carol by Dickens. It's the fourth scene in Act II. The Ghost of Christmas Future is with Scrooge, and they are in Scrooge's house watching four people go through and bargin over his things while he lies dead in his bed. I was trying to tell myself that I shouldn't feel however I was feeling (guilty?) - that I wanted something of Aunt K*** things to remind me of her. But why? I didn't grow up around her; I didn't hear positive things about her; I only spoke to her once a year at our family reunions. Why would I want to be reminded of her? Is it a past which I'm trying to connect? Am I finding a "deal"? Do I have more of a right to it than a stranger?

But then again, I, too, am a stranger-in a sense.

And yet, I forgot to get that small, white bowl and pitcher that I saw, and I do want one of those cast iron pots...

Lent

Today is Fat Tuesday. Did you know that for centuries, people abstained from meat during the forty days - hence the name Carnival, which is Latin for farewell to meat.

It reminds me of what we at Weight Watchers call The Last Supper. Gorge yourself and clean out the cabinets (by eating, not throwing away!) of all the stuff that will jeopardize your success.

Lent, a time of self-reflection, soul searching. We're reminded of Jesus and his time in the wilderness for forty days, the sacrifices he made during that time and the ultimate sacrifice that soon followed.

Perfect timing with my seventh graders. I asked them to try and give up something for forty days. Anne and the rest of the group had to do without for much longer; let's see if they can.

As for me, I'm going to give up soft drinks, chocolates, and biting my nails. I'm going to include drinking more water (uck!).

I'd like to think that I'm making a conscious effort to become a more dedicated servant everyday, not just these next forty. Although it will be hard for me to give up my vices for the next forty days, I fear that I would fail a real test of wills. God forgive me, but could I, would I, give up talking to my family for forty days? Would I give up my job to go on a missionary trip? Am I saying, "Oh Lord, I want to be your servant but on my terms"? Isn't rededicating myself more than promising not to skip church anymore?

How is not biting my nails, drinking soft drinks, or eating chocolates rededicating myself?

I think of it in the same way I think of projects for my students. No, they'll never truly understand the suffering of Anne Frank or the other six million Jews, but I hope I give them a taste, no matter how brief. My will power will be tempted sorely, but I'll never truly understand the anguish Jesus suffered. But maybe it'll be enough of a taste to help me truly appreciate what he has given me.

Brainstorming and Future Bloggers

Many times I get ideas for school while taking a shower. This idea, however, came from sitting in front of the computer blogging.

My seventh grade students are reading The Diary of Anne Frank. I try to do a lot with this unit to get them to understand the circumstances of the situation as closely as possible.

None of these students know what it's like to do without. Oh, they sometimes can't have what they want, but they always have what they need. They get those two words, need and want, confused often. It's amazing how much children/teens take for granted these days and how much they waste. Was I that way?

Last week we read how how they relied on ration books to get food. Not having any of those around, I did the next best thing; I brought in MRE's (meals ready to eat) and had the students try them, telling them to imagine having to eat this kind of food for three years. They were troopers and tried. We agreed the Cajun rice and sausage was kind of gross!

In the past I've asked the students to keep diaries during this unit, normally met with moans and groans. So as I was blogging, I thought it would be neat if the students set up their own blogs (with permission, of course). They would have to blog about something serious at least once a week, but they could blog as often as possible. Also, since this derives from English class, they have to use standard English. None of the "language" they use on e-mails or on MySpace.

They're excited about it, which makes me excited!

Yesterday we read the part where the families were celebrating Hannakuh and Anne gave her mother an I.O.U. to do ten hours of whatever her mother wanted. Yep, for Valentine's Day, the students had to make Valentine's for their parents, and the inside message was

Here's an I.O.U. I promise to pay

Ten hours of doing whatever you say

without whining or complaining

and with a smile!

Some students try to add a P.S. "Mrs. Chapman is making us," but I told them to add "but I don't mind."

Of course, I'm torturing them! hahaha! Isn't reading fun?!

Feeding the Spirit

A little while ago, our Sunday school class took an inventory of the spiritual gifts we possess. I learned that my greatest area is in service. Yes, I'm selfish with my time, but I do rise to the occasion and do for others. Sometimes I'm not happy about it (as you may have read), but I'm learning and growing in that aspect.

In addition, with the suggestion of my Sunday school teacher, I have started to read a book by Oswald Chambers - My Utmost for His Highest. It's a daily devotional, but it's unlike any I've read before. The best way I can describe it - it's more hard core.

How can a devotional be hard core? It does so by not having those personal testimonies accompanying it. I haven't come across a "feel good" story yet. At first I thought, "I'm not ready for this; this is way over my head." But I kept it up, and finally I read the devotional for February 7 entitled "Spiritual Dejection." I had an YES! moment!

Let me share that passage; I don't think (I hope!) that Mr. Chambers would mind...

Every fact that the disciples stated was right, but the conclusions they drew from those facts were wrong. Anything that has even a hint of dejection spiritually is always wrong. If I am depressed or burdened, I am to blame, not God or anyone else. (uh-oh - hadn't thought of that!) Dejection stems from one of two sources - I have either satisfied a lust or I have not had it satisfied. In either case, dejection is the result. Lust means "I must have it at once." (Hey, that sounds like the mind-set of children, and adults, today!) Spiritual lust causes me to demand an answer from God, instead of seeking God Himself who gives the answer. What have I been hoping or trusting God would do? Is today "the third day" and He has still not done what I expected? Am I therefore justified in being dejected and in blaming God? Whenever we insist that God should give us an answer to prayer we are off track. The purpose of prayer is that we get ahold of God, not of the answer. It is impossible to be well physically and to be dejected, because dejection is a sign of sickness. This is also true spiritually. Dejection spiritually is wrong, and we are always to blame for it.

We look for visions from heaven and for earth-shaking events to see God's power. Even the fact that we are dejected is proof that we do this. Yet we never realize that all the time God is at work in our everyday events and in the people around us. If we will only obey, and do the task that He has placed closest to us, we will see Him. One of the most amazing revelatins of God comes to us when we learn that it is in the everyday things of life that we realize the magnificent deity of Jesus Christ.

Have you ever prayed and thought, "Am I doing this right?" Finally, after reading this passage I had faith in the way that I prayed.

But I must confess I had a lapse. For the past several weekends, I have been "doing" for others (and thinking, "Yes, service is one of my gifts.") Well, yesterday morning, after being out extremely late due to a middle school Valentine's dance, I woke up and said, "God, forgive me, but in serving others I'm tired!" So I skipped church. (I did go to hand-bell practice-does that count?) Anyway, looking back over some passages, I came across the one "Are You Exhausted Spiritually?" I won't type that one out for you except the last lines:

You have no right to complain, "O Lord, I am exhausted." He saved and sanctified you to exhaust you. Be exhausted for God, but remember that He is your supply. "All my springs are in you." (Psalm 87:7

Rats!

I am a work in progress.

What Do You Really Know?

I attended a memorial service of a fellow church member this past Saturday. He had recently moved from the North to be closer to his children. His second wife has passed away, and after a forty year separation from his children (his first wife brought them to Georgia after the divorce), he was able to reconnect. He lived with his oldest daughter, and she told us that she learned more about her dad in these past nine months than she had known in her 50 plus years.

After the service, several of us commented about our own lack of knowing this man. We knew that he was a retired fire chief, but we didn't know he played the violin. We didn't know that he had rented equipment to build his house (on his own) in the side of a mountain, resold the equipment so that it didn't cost him anything to build the house. He was an environmentalist and had sung bass in a quartet and modeled in some musical magazine. He was a wood carver, and he had some beautiful pieces. When he knew he was dying, he got his wood shop in order "for the next person." There's so much we didn't know....

It got me and many others thinking. We see each other practically every Sunday, we attend other functions together, but what do I really know about these people I call family? I don't want to learn fascinating facts about them posthumously. What good is that?

I want people to know that I once thought the Devil lived in my mawmaw's basement, and I trapped my brother down there, trying to save myself. I want people to know that my brother and I thought we caused it to rain one night after performing a "rain dance"; we thought we had a gift!

People are just too busy for storytelling it seems.

But when we ask people to write something down to share, it's "time consuming," and becomes a chore, not a gift. (I'm thinking about my relatives at my family reunion.)

When I die, I don't want the celebrations in my life to be a surprise to anyone. I want people to smile in their memory of it, not look around in wonder.

What have you shared with your family lately?